Open communication is vital in every connection. Problems cannot be solved without proper communication. Open communication is the only way to create understanding, and understanding fosters compassion. It is such an important part of our interaction as humans, yet so many of us do not possess proper communication skills. It is not a skill that is taught to us when we were young. Sure we were taught to speak and be heard, but how many of us can actually communicate effectively? I would say the percentage is probably very small. Most times, we are either communicating with assumptions that the other person will understand or interpret it the way we mean, therefore, leaving out information that if present would’ve avoided miscommunication. Or we are speaking only to prove our righteous point so we are no longer listening to the other person’s point of view and it becomes a pointless argument where no one can win. Or we say what is only proper and appropriate, so that we are not judged for our thoughts, beliefs and feelings. I believe that in order to communicate effectively, we need to speak our minds, say what we really want to say and state how we really feel, without the fear of judgement or worry whether it’s right or wrong, while at the same time, listen to others with a genuine curiosity in what they have to say, void of our own judgement. We all have to let go of our preconceived notions in order to really receive what the other person is expressing, otherwise we’ll always be listening with a filter. Trust me, as someone that is still actively and consciously working on this, effective communication is not easy and it’s a constant battle.
We have been conditioned for so long as a human race to judge the action of not only others but ourselves that we’ve become entitled selfish beings who judges others on everything in their own lives as if its ours. We cast them from us with hate and disbelief of their gull for thinking or being a certain way that is not in line with ours. In order to make ourselves feel better about the judgement we have on ourselves, we judge others quickly and harshly based on our biases. Our judgements will always suit our beliefs, and only when it’s convenient for us. Our biased reasoning of why what we are doing is right and what they are doing is wrong, which makes us hypocritical. For example, those who think negatively of people who smoke weed but would drink to a stupor every chance they get. Sometimes, our judgements cause us to take things personally and get offended when they weren’t meant to, which can create conflict when there weren’t any to be had from the other party’s intention. On the flip side, because of the judgement that we know is always present out there, we have become fearful of it, afraid that we’ll say the wrong thing, or not be accepted or loved because we are expressing something that is outside the norm. That fear of judgement cripples us and stops the flow of open communication in its track! That fear has turned us to judging ourselves in every single way possible, seeing ourselves as how we fear others might see us, confirming the belief we all already have because of our inner child wounding, that we are not good enough. So then we start being the way that we think is acceptable, based on our upbringing and surroundings, rather than our authentic self. However, our authentic self is always present underneath all the façade/ego, and that self still needs and wants to be able to express fully, therefore creating an internal battle within us. We still have the need to be heard and to be seen and acknowledge, but when we are afraid to speak up to communicate what we need and what we want, there is not only an unsettling feeling within, the people we expect to fulfill those needs will never succeed because we have not communicated it to them. Your façade/ego will not know how to communicate those needs because acknowledging and speaking them threatens the safe and comfortable space it is trying to keep you in, normal and acceptable.
When communication can be done in confidence without the fear of judgement, we can then have real conversations where understanding and compassion for each other can be achieved. All sides are able to voice their thoughts, and miscommunication will happen less. Communication are exchanges of information, which can lead to knowledge, growth and change. You will realize that everything is just perspectives and there can be many different perspectives on just one topic. It doesn’t mean that one is right or wrong, but rather just another point of view. With communication, we can find out the reason for that point of view. We don’t have to agree with it or adopt it if we don’t find that it aligns with us. We also don’t have to judge them in any way, for each of us only know what we know from our experiences and we’re all at different points of our journey. Communication allows us to share those experiences with one another.
So how can we achieve effective communication when we all have been conditioned to think we are right and judge others who don’t agree as wrong? It all comes down to the same thing….knowing who we are, loving who we are and honoring our truths by speaking our authentic selves to everyone we meet without fear. In that self-exploration and healing, love for self is inevitable. Once we learn and are aware of ourselves, it allows us to understand others more as a result, and we’ll realize that what divides us are the judgements of each other we hold, and if we drop the judgements, love and compassion for all arises from it. Not everyone will be open to receive your beliefs and that’s perfectly ok. But if we all stood proud about something and kept singing its praises, we won’t change everyone’s views, but at least we present the opportunity to everyone that’s willing to listen, to elevate their perspectives by opening up their minds through authentic communication. Every relationship requires open communication to function healthily. When communication is severed, everything starts deteriorating. There becomes a gap in the flow, and energy can no longer flow fluidly.
Again, communication allows the opportunity to share perspectives. We can’t change perspectives of cannabis if we are not willing to talk about it with those who disagree, because of shame, judgement or whatever reason we may have for keeping our use private. If we come across someone who is not a supporter of weed, speak with them, try to understand their why and share with them your whys. Speaking with them is an opportunity not only for you to learn something but also for you to show someone a new way of viewing cannabis. If we don’t share our perspectives and experiences with others and have a real conversation so all parties can learn from each other, how will anything change? Understanding comes from being able to the see the many sides of a belief, and communication is the tool that delivers those sides. If you are still uncomfortable with your cannabis use to speak and share about it, how can you expect others to accept it and be comfortable with it? Sometimes just one conversation could change everything.
Communicating effectively and authentically is a daunting task and skill to perfect. But it is so important and needed for us to have real, honest and authentic connections. So let’s all try to judge less, listen more, fear less, understand more, hide less, love more, and have some open and honest communication with each other. With love.
